1 00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:06,440 Think again, otherwise this will be unpleasant. 2 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:09,960 Hey, old lady! Oh, you brought lunch! 3 00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:14,520 Nice clothes. You look like Audrey Hepburn. 4 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:19,240 Do I have a neck like a swan? and breasts like a boy? 5 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:25,000 Great that you could turn a compliment into an insult. 6 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,960 -I'm talented. -What's for lunch? 7 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,680 A tuna sandwich with coleslaw for you. 8 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:40,360 I'm going to eat a turkey sandwich on white bread with... 9 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:46,240 A fantastic investment opportunity! What a store! 10 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:52,160 -What is this? -I have the chance to buy my studio. 11 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:56,680 The loan will cost less than the rent. 12 00:00:56,760 --> 00:01:00,560 Lovely! Grace Adler - property owner. 13 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:04,440 And I don't even need to be the thimble or the shoe. 14 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:10,520 When are you going to beg and ask me for free advice? 15 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:15,200 When I have reminded you the photo of you in dolphin shorts. 16 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,760 Now I'm the one who begs and prays! 17 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,280 Buying the place would be so exciting! 18 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:37,000 I can become the owner of the cracked ones the walls, the creaking floors- 19 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:43,280 - and my toilet with rodent droppings in the soap dish. 20 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:46,520 Excrement... No, no. 21 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,840 You didn't say the owner was English. 22 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:58,000 I cannot complete the transaction without imitating Rex Harrison. 23 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:03,920 -What did he say? -"Sausage with mash!" 24 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:08,520 -"Lamb Chops! Piccadilly!" - Soon I will turn my eyelids. 25 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:14,000 That sounds decent. The price is a bit high, but we can get it down. 26 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,160 -What then? -As cheap as possible. 27 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:20,840 Don't worry. It will come off. 28 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:26,360 -We can celebrate at Pablo's Cantina. -No, not Mexican food. Fajita hair. 29 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:31,520 It ripples with the steam from the chicken. 30 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,600 Will it ever be smooth? 31 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,040 Yes, when you actually work. 32 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:52,720 -We can try the German place. - No, not German food. 33 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:56,320 I can't handle schnitzel and... 34 00:02:56,400 --> 00:03:02,720 - Stop! I hate accents. -Of course. Okay, we're going. 35 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:09,280 Big news! S-T-O-R-A news! 36 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:16,400 It is not that you come out of the closet. 37 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:22,280 I have found my calling, and it has to do with my hands. 38 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,360 Are you going to take care of yourself? 39 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,600 Place the laugh here. 40 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:39,400 I'm going to be a masseuse. It feels logical because I'm so social. 41 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:45,200 I love people. As long as they aren't hairy... 42 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:50,080 ...or smells bad or have pimples on the back. 43 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:55,520 -I need guinea pigs. -I smell bad. 44 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,560 Thank you, my friends. 45 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:08,760 Pimples. Uh, who am I trying to fool? My skin is like alabaster. 46 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,200 I just don't want to. 47 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:20,640 You are so beautiful 48 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:27,520 - I don't need a masseuse. -I need 100 hours of practice. 49 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:32,040 I know a lot about the female form. 50 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:35,880 A doll is not the same as the real thing. 51 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:46,200 You are so beautiful 52 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:50,240 I don't even like massages. 53 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:54,600 Can't you understand 54 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:58,920 Sure. We do it at my house at lunch. 55 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,600 Anytime between twelve and four. 56 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:15,160 I'm cleaning out my CDs. Shall I ditch Bananarama or "Footloose"? 57 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,920 -When was the last time you listened to them? -When I bought them. 58 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:26,160 Throw both. Are you ready to hang out with a great? 59 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:33,920 -I got my host to lower the price. -You slut! 60 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:41,040 Mr. Hutt came and said that one more buyer was interested in my studio. 61 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:45,640 - But I acted. -You didn't sign anything, did you? 62 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:53,200 Well, you can do that. He took five percent off the price. 63 00:05:54,280 --> 00:06:01,400 Five percent is not the lowest possible price! 64 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,280 Why didn't you call? 65 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:08,880 - He had tried to get hold of you. - He hasn't called. 66 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,640 I have been in the office all day. 67 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:18,600 Did he lie to me? But it's so...dishonest. 68 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:23,800 Yes, think that someone in New York would like to skirt one. 69 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:30,720 It is shocking. People can be so mean. 70 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:39,240 I hate myself! No, that's too negative. 71 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,160 I hate him. 72 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:47,000 I hate all Brits. They have such gnarled hands- 73 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:51,080 -and Princess Anne has horse teeth! 74 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,840 Throw away your Boy George records! 75 00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:00,880 Don't let this get out of hand Boy. 76 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,480 He gave us good music for a month. 77 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:13,240 I can certainly arrange this, but it can be unpleasant. 78 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:18,560 Bring the hard gloves. Give him a good tackle. 79 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:22,840 -We have to... - Sports? I don't understand anything. 80 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:32,200 This will take a little while. You can take some… 81 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,600 ...take a deep breath and relax. 82 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:43,640 Damn shit! I am sending love and light to you. 83 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,080 Yes, love and light. 84 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:12,160 I told her. 85 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:18,680 Rosario. "Por favor..." Take it easy with the fabric softener. 86 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:25,280 No, old lady... Fabric softener is enough. 87 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:29,360 Now she calls me a satmaro. 88 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,480 Now we are done. 89 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:41,800 Welcome. My name is Jack McFarland, and I'm your masseuse. 90 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:45,480 Take off your dressing gown. 91 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:50,200 -I cover you with the sheet... - I've done this before. 92 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,560 You can bounce a coin on that one! 93 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,520 Are you having a problem with something? 94 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:08,760 -Yes, my marriage. - I'm talking about your body. 95 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:13,600 I'm a little tight in the lower back. 96 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:18,360 It means that you cling to something. 97 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:24,200 Yes, my patience. Can we get started so we're done? 98 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:28,280 And don't touch my… 99 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,200 -How do we do? - We're going to do business. 100 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:41,120 I do the talking. You should have an angry look. 101 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:50,320 Angry, not constipated. You can be strong and silent. 102 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:54,560 - Mr. Truman. -Mr Hutt. Thank you for coming. 103 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:58,840 -You know Grace, right? -Yes, I know Miss Adler. 104 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:04,040 - She has been my tenant in... - I don't think you know Grace. 105 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:10,760 If you knew her you would know that she knows nothing about business. 106 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:15,440 - Your client is completely competent... -Competent? 107 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:20,840 Did you say "competent"? Look at her. 108 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:28,720 Does she seem to have a handle on business? Does the hair radiate Harvard? 109 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:36,480 She is a designer. She just thinks on cushions and floor lamps. 110 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,200 Nothing else. 111 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:42,760 She doesn't know numbers. Therefore, she accepted five percent. 112 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,160 - You took advantage of that. - The price was reasonable. 113 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:50,920 Fair? It certainly means something different to the British. 114 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:56,040 Just like "lift" means elevator and "fag" means cigarette. 115 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,720 -Mr Truman... - I want to hear more. 116 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:05,600 There was no other buyer, was there? And you didn't try to call me. 117 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:09,360 If you don't want to that I should call the real estate board- 118 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:16,880 -and tell us about how you have been treated this naive artist- 119 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:21,600 -I want her to be compensated. 120 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:25,000 - Do you understand? -Absolutely. 121 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:33,360 Maybe this price sounds a little better? 122 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:39,480 - It was the lowest possible price. - I'll bring the contract tomorrow. 123 00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:41,760 can i go 124 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,680 Go ahead. 125 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:53,240 I love that stuff. You were amazing! 126 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,840 Shall we go to the Hausfrau place? 127 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:06,360 You must be starving after all the slips and pacifiers. 128 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:11,360 - You must have gotten hungry. - It was just business. 129 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:18,920 You didn't even have to think, but the insults just kept coming. 130 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:24,440 I am impressed. You hit the spot. 131 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:34,640 You described me perfectly. The hair, the empty head... 132 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,800 Why didn't you say anything about my big feet? 133 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:43,520 - Then we would have saved 20 dollars. -How can you say that? 134 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:48,520 It was just a trick to bring the price down. 135 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:53,040 -You didn't mean it? -What do you mean? 136 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,160 You don't think I know business. 137 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,360 Tell me I'm a good business woman. 138 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:07,440 Say it. If you think so you should be able to say that. 139 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:16,800 It is really... It's hard to say. Is a person... 140 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,960 I thought so. 141 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:37,640 I've been waiting for your hands all day. 142 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:43,800 You wear me out. When will I have time to study anatomy? 143 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:49,000 So far I can only phalanx, and that's because I like the word. 144 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:54,720 Quiet. Now take care of my deltoids. 145 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,440 I'm stiff as a stick. 146 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:07,960 At 15 tomorrow... And I don't want to that you are massaging someone else. 147 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,840 You are mine. 148 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,360 -Don't hate me. -Don't talk to me. 149 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,280 -I need to talk to you. -I must hate you. 150 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:32,800 Don't be angry. I did as you wanted. 151 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:36,320 Didn't get the lowest possible price? 152 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,400 -You still hate me. -You're still talking. 153 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:46,160 Now he comes. Sign and hate me another time- 154 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,120 -like when I borrow your razor. 155 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,680 Let's get to the point. 156 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:59,880 Here is the new agreement, with the price we agreed upon. 157 00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:04,680 -Good. -Can I get a signature? 158 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,920 You can sign. 159 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:19,440 - No, I'm not signing. -Please sign. 160 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:27,280 This would be easy and fun, like the TV supplement's crossword puzzle. 161 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,400 The questions are made easy! 162 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:37,720 But it hasn't been easy either or fun, and I… 163 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,120 It doesn't feel good anymore. 164 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:45,160 Put on your business hat! 165 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:51,160 I can't turn off and on, like you. If you stab me, I bleed. 166 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:57,480 And now I'm bleeding because that you did something unforgivable. 167 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,520 I can come back. 168 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,560 No, I'm traveling to London tomorrow. 169 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,920 -You must sign. -Grace? 170 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,800 You know what's so funny? 171 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,160 It's not fun at all. 172 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:24,400 My life is so boring that it's not even funny. 173 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:31,040 Why should I take out a loan? My life is already a mess. 174 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:37,040 I rent my home, I don't have a driver's license and i live with a gay guy. 175 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:41,600 I haven't had sex in five months! 176 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:46,840 When I was going to buy anti-wrinkle cream, someone came... 177 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:52,160 ...Jennifer Love Michelle Sarah Felicity Girl... 178 00:16:53,440 --> 00:17:00,640 She bumped into me and said, "Excuse me, ma'am." 179 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:08,960 Don't buy the place if it makes you feel this way. 180 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,920 Do I look like someone you call "ma'am"? 181 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:18,120 - I'm sorry. I didn't know… - I'm the one who's sorry. 182 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,040 Sorry you have to see me like this. 183 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:28,360 -As for the contract... - No, I can't! 184 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:39,160 It's not much, but I can lower the price a little more. 185 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,760 Think about it. 186 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,560 say now that I am not a good business woman. 187 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,480 You are early. I haven't had time to bathe yet. 188 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:09,680 You'll probably have to put up with it that I am dirty. 189 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,040 Blow. 190 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:19,400 -Where is the massage table? - I didn't bring it. 191 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:26,960 -Why not? - I don't want to be just a pair of hands. 192 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:31,200 You are so much more than that! 193 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:36,000 -You are elbows and forearms... -It's over! 194 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:42,400 Who do you think you are? I decide when it's over. 195 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,280 I pay you well. 196 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:49,880 Would you rather go back to your waiter job? 197 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,160 I didn't think so. 198 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:59,480 Now I undress and then we do it. 199 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:06,800 No! I can't take it anymore. Every day I touch your naked body. 200 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,360 We don't talk, there are no feelings. I act like a straight guy- 201 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,000 -and it makes me sick. 202 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:21,000 I swore an oath before God and my mother. I'm gay! 203 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:33,680 What do I see? Is it a five? Allow me. 204 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,360 $1,700 please. 205 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:43,080 I have a pink five. 206 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,960 Then you get to mortgage your slum. 207 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:51,320 What a pity. Stick to child's play. 208 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:57,200 When it comes to money and real estate will you be... 209 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:02,360 -A good negotiator? -My word only had four letters. 210 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:10,120 That's how I do it. I don't negotiate on the golf course- 211 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,160 -or over a beer at the strip club. 212 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:20,840 Is there anyone doing business at strip clubs? 213 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:26,280 -Don't play the gay card. - It is more difficult for... 214 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:33,840 Then I play the girl card, and then I win. 215 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,840 Don't make me call Joni. 216 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:44,280 The only card that beats the girl card is the lesbian card. 217 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:49,840 Then I call Jill- 218 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:55,640 -my black, bisexual, dyslexic... 219 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:59,440 -Forget it. I give up. -Good choice. 220 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:04,360 I feel a disabled trance with split ends. It beats everything!